walking around the house at night w my cell phone flashlight on instead of turning on the lights feeling like a bronte character with a candle
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Okay so the house is a mess and needs to be cleaned. I’m doing the responsible thing and asking Grace that she take a break from cleaning our house until Stephen saves up enough money to get a car or a truck. I also feel like it’s completely pointless to pay someone to clean the house when I’m home every day. The job hunting process should start soon for me. Once I’m back to being gone full time, I’ll be happy to hire her back to help me keep the house in order.
I also feel like I’ve been fighting a cold or I have a cold. I forgot what it feels like to be sick because it’s been so long so it could just be allergies and a hay fever but it’s really taking a toll on me. One of my eyes is swollen and puffy, my body temperature has been a little higher than usual, im breaking out in random rashes, and I can’t stop sniffling and sneezing. It’s whatever though. Hopefully it passes soon.
I’m really quite worried because
I haven’t received my drivers license in the mail since I changed my address a month ago and I also haven’t received my new social security card since I changed my last name after getting married…
There’s a chance I may have received my new social card in the mail and just put it up somewhere and forgot about it but FUCK I’m kind of worried about this.
Update: I went to the DPS and it turns out I either paid a fake DPS website to change my address on my drivers license which explains why I never received it in the mail 🙃🙂🙃 which means they have my ssn and my debit card information 🙂🙃🙂 OR I paid to change my address on the legit DPS website but the money wasn’t on the debit card so it never actually processed..
And I did find my current social card in a stack of mail hidden away in a drawer THANK GOD.
I really need to organize apparently lol
Feeling good. Feeling healthy. I ran on the treadmill today at the gym! I never run lol I had it in me today though and it felt so good! I’m starting to realize how malnourished I was. How did I go without eating 2+ times a day?! I use to run solwely on coffee, water, snacks, and one meal a day.. now I’m eating 3 meals a day with snacks in between. My energy level still isn’t quite where I want it to be, it could be better, but it’s better than it used to be! So much better. Maybe now that I’m living a healthier life style my skin will clear up.. that’s another part of my journey right now lol
The thought of getting a job is honestly kind of stressful 😂😂
Now that I’m back to being a stay at home mom for the time being, I have no idea how on earth I did it going to school AND doing all the house chores.
Yesterday
I wanted to make this entry yesterday but I didn’t get a chance.
My friend told me about a pretty reasonably priced cheer class for our daughters at the recreation center here in our town. I mentioned it to Sophie as soon as I found out but I didn’t exactly like how I delivered the message to her. Although I would never EVER want her to join ANYTHING just because her friends are, that’s how I accidentally offered the opportunity to her. I told her that her friend is going to join cheer and that her mom invited us to join IF she was interested. She asked me what cheerleading was LOLOLOL that should have been my first sign. I explained to her that it’s a lot like gymnastics but with chants and dance. She was immediately drawn to the idea because 1. she was in gymnastics and loved it but we discontinued the classes because it was expensive, and 2. she REALLY wants to be in dance but it’s (again) too pricey for our budget right now. So like I said, I planted the seed and let her think about it for about a week and a half. She didn’t talk to me much about it except once or MAYBE twice. That should have been the second clue for me that she wasn’t that interested in it. ANYWAYS.. Yesterday was the first day for cheer class. Sophie was very excited and we went and bought her sneakers for cheer and then went up to recreation center to sign her up. She immediately became nervous and kept saying “I can’t do this mom”. She wouldn’t leave my side even though I kept telling her that her friend was there and she should sit with her but she seemed intimidated by the fact that her friend was already making friends. Eventually the class started and she still wouldn’t leave my side and she wouldn’t join the class, which at this point I told her we can sit together and watch until she’s ready to join but then Olivia became bored and she was pulling her dress all the way up showing her underwear to everyone and acting crazy. So I told Sophie “hey, your sister is giving me a hard enough time as it is, I need you to decide right now if you want to do this or not because if we leave and you don’t try to join the class today we’re not coming back” and she said she didn’t want to do the class without me, so we left.
I was a little bit frustrated but I was trying not to show it. I was more frustrated at the fact that Olivia was acting like Donnie from The Wild Thorneberrys while I’m trying to encourage Sophie to be brave and join the cheer class. Once we started driving away I kind of calmed down and let Sophie know that it’s okay if she didn’t feel like that’s where she belonged and that I’m proud of her for showing up today.
Overall I felt like it was one of my biggest learning experiences as a parent so far. Everything about it was really, really hard to do without Stephen but I’m not exactly sure it would have been any easier with him there.. I’m not sure..
5:33 AM
I woke up a little bit earlier than I would have liked today. 5:30 to be exact. That is not the time right now, it is currently 6:20 AM. I went ahead and got out of bed and made myself some coffee after Stephen left for work and hopped on the couch with my laptop and a cup of coffee.
I’m not really even going to complain that I’m awake several hours before the sun rises today because today I’M GETTING A FACIAL TREATMENT WITH MICRODERMABRASION! (: That’s right! Your girl’s skin is going to be POPPIN by the time today is over. Not to mention I’m going to get to relax.. and possibly even take a nap!! UGHH I can’t wait!